Saturday, September 27, 2008

My own journey towards understanding... chuck it this is a post without a title

It was one of those camps that the school made us attend as part of managing the teenage years. Part of the two day drama was a sex education session from some org.
We were told that we could drop in any questions anonymously. When the Q&A session started, What caught me by surprise, was 9/10 questions that were discussed in the session were on homosexuality.

I was quite surprised with the volume of questions as it meant that people around me, all in their teens had these questions. I am sure the more evil of the kids would have tracked them. I even remember once in a combined class set up, teacher was scolding two guys and screaming at them, "why don't you sit on his lap? ". The two guys were siting that close. A just turns to me and casually says," Homos, man!". You should have taken a look at those two guys before commenting, that tall skinny guy and the well-built stout guy somehow confirmed to the image that I cultivated out of reading sidney sheldons.

Honestly, in the circles I moved, not including my parents, homosexuality was understood. It was always presented to me as an accepted concept. I never questioned it either. For the most parts it was just part of our jokes. You know the usual, tease each other as gays and tell them it is ok, we will accept you as you are. I had enough knowledge, all thanks to sidney sheldon. Just like we were gossiping about hetrosexual couples, we were also secretly suspecting who was gay.

But couple of years ago, a friend and I were discussing, rather gossiping about this senior colleague(gay)'s possible partner. H was asking if I was ok with it, I said I am ok with it, just that I couldn't relate to it. Just like that I blurted it out.

That got me thinking, you know all along I was just saying I am ok with it. People were saying its not quirky, so I was saying its not quirky thats pretty much it. It was hard to correlate. Honestly speaking, I started thinking, this is what the current research says but it is 'current' research. Research findings can change. This was an extremely accepted common practice in ancient greece. And then later it became unacceptable in the same country. So, these opinions can change you know.

What if its a temporary fad & so on? what if I am just mouthing simply what I am being told, that it is ok for people to be gay because that what was told to me all ways.

Around the same time, I accidentally came across a blog. There were few blog posts, all about crushes on men. So, that got me all excited. Couple of posts later, I find that the blogger is a guy, which was fine(seinfieldesque, very important to add that "I am fine with it" else people would term you homo-phobic). That was the first time I ever came across such a Personal account of a homosexual. Then I realise he is Indian.(!). In my mind I reacted pretty much, just like how jezz did it in Bend it like Beckham, "But he is Indian".

That blog and broom's blog made me understand the whole concept wee bit more. See, I came across the word crush for the first time in 9th standard. (Yeah, that late, but it was a small city, so its ok). But even though I came across the word much later, I was very much familiar with the concept.

Nobody taught me to have crushes. Yet I had already had them. Nobody told me that it has to be on Men/ boys, Yet that was the sex I choose. I remember cousin V and I sharing with each other, how we now actually like to stare at good looking guys/ even men. Cousin V shared this with her Mom and ofcourse, aunt scolded her. (Look at the way, the country treats hetrosexualism, its high hopes for the country to open upto homosexualism).

You know what I mean, it was just natural like that. So, when I read on these blogs, these people's initial attraction itself has been on people of their own sex, at ages when nobody taught you the concept, that kind of got me to understand it lot better. Just your body's alarm went on, on spotting a good looking guy, so does theirs.

Let us just say this, the other day, D and I were standing on near my doorsteps and carrying on the conversation and suddenly this man passes by. And i was just thinking he doesn't look that bad, kind of cute. Right then D, who was in completely different conversation, says that guy looked good. And I am like yeah. Just like that, an instinct feeling for both of us.

Without us realizing, both of us reacted that way. And if for them, it happens on spotting people of their own sex, how could they change that.

Can we really tell them what they feel instinctively wrong? What are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to control their instinctive reaction that way? I don't see it harming me in any particular way. oh yeah, I do feel a loss when some good looking celebrity turns out to be gay. But apart from that minor loss, what exactly can be my problem? How do they harm me in anyway. They are consenting adults and they are in love.

Infact by making it illegal, aren't we just pushing them into hiding themselves under hetrosexual marriages, which might end up affecting their partners?

The reason why I have this rant is, the indian government recently rejected in making a plea filed by an NGO to make it legal. They not only rejected, they completed denied the very existence of homosexuality and addressed it as something that needs to be corrected.

All these while, gay rights activists had been talking about somebody tying the bell and just asking the government to correct the obsolete law which bans homosexualism. Now that the case had gone to court, I guess the political angle has started kicking in.


  1. Nice eye opener on homesexuality, many times, I've heard that someone who is a homo can also have hetero tendencies. I've never been able to fathom how someone can be attracted to the same sex and also to the oppssite sex, what does it make that individual.